my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
