Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Damn victory sex feels great
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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