Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
bring money and cleavage
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize