The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
