Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
