The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
