the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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