I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
