I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
