arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
