he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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