It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
