He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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