there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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