we have officially lost it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
