She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
