Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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