never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
