We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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