Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
