I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
