new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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