At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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