I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
