So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i think my cat just said my name.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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