dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
