Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
