Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
