we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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