Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
