i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
