i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
