i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
