i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
