I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
