Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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