why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
