I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What drink are we having for lunch?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
