I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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