I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
