3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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