I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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