My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
