wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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