It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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