Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
