I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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