you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
