After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
