Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
