try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
