my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
