Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
