You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
