Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
