we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
