He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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