No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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