You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
