I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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