Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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