Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
