You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
